Simulate This!

So when we last left our hero, he was about to explain how multiple dimensions fit in nicely with the Creation as a Simulation Theory©.

There are several theories, both philosophical and mathematical, that deal with multiple universes (or multiverse). We can discount the philosophical theories right off the bat because they assume an infinite universe and is thus, by definition, impossible in a simulation scenario. As far as the mathematical theories, we don’t need to delve into them very deeply. However, there are some points we will need to understand moving forward.

The most basic theory (basic here being a relative term) is M-Theory. Essentially, this says that for every decision or outcome, every possible alternate outcome occurs in another ‘parallel’ universe. These universes are exactly the same as ours up to one decision or event. In this theory, there are billions upon billions of alternate universes.

The reason this fits into our theory here is because in order for a simulation to work it has to calculate variables, and for a simulation this complex it would have to calculate variables at a rate of literally billions per second. Through the code of this simulation that behaves as what we know as physics, these variables show up in the math, making it look like multiple dimensions.

While we’re here, let’s talk about Time. According to recent theories, either time is slowing down or there are two separate dimensions of time, with the separate dimension theory attempting to explain the recently observed time dilation.

Anyone who has ever worked on a computer knows that if you are working on something very large, the processes start to slow down. Well, that’s basically what is happening to our Computer Simulation. When we observe the older universe, it appears to move faster than our closer neighbors. What we are seeing is a glimpse of a young simulation that was processing data much faster than it is today. As the simulation gets older and older, it has more and more data to keep up with. This slows down everything. From our point of view, time itself is slowing down.

Next time, we’ll talk about déjà vu and other freaky things.

Hooters

I went to Hooters for lunch yesterday.
I complained bitterly that my waitress had breasts of two different sizes. The manager brought me a complimentary dessert, but I was inconsolable.
On the way out, I accused the cashier of fostering an atmosphere of elitist, white, male, Euro-centric intellectualism. She just stared at me and snapped her gum.

Her breasts seemed to pretty much match.

Say what?

If you have something interesting to say in an interesting way and need someplace interesting to say it, you might be able to contribute to my interesting blog. Interested? Well, write some interesting stuff and then send it to lesbiansandexplosions@gmail.com and if it's interesting, I'll post it.

Some legal stuff - your ideas are your own and you retain all copyrights to whatever you write. I don't own it, I just post it. I can't pay you, but I don't make any money off of it either, so we're even.

Get to it, people!

I hope they're not running Windows

A few days ago, whilst contemplating the nature of the universe, as I am wont to do, I came to a startling revelation. As I explain this revelation to you, many may shout out INSANITY! or recoil in fear or strike out in anger. These reactions are normal to one’s universe being changed before their eyes. I forgive you in advance.

We exist in a simulation.

I’m sure many of you have heard something very similar to this before. But by ‘simulation’, I do not mean The Matrix where we are in a trap nor a Sims type environment where events are actually being controlled by some unseen god-like hand. I’m writing about an all-encompassing simulation of our universe – from the atoms that make up the air you breathe to galaxies slamming into each other in the deep reaches of the cosmos.

This idea originally gained some traction after the 2001 publication of Are You Living in a Computer Simulation in the journal Philosophical Quarterly by Nick Bostrom from Oxford University. The premise of this was basically that we are NOT in a simulation because it is unlikely any post-human species would bother simulating its history in a computer. While that conclusion is certainly debatable, its main weakness is its limited scope. We may not want to simulate our evolutionary history on this planet. But simulate the fourteen-plus billion years of the universe? Absolutely.

Bostrom’s paper also falls short because it assumes that any simulation will be specifically about US, humanity here on Earth. This is typical center-of-the-universe thinking that caused religion to hold back science for hundreds of years. What if we are just an infinitesimal by-product of the simulation and not its purpose in any way?

Ok, here it is laid out. We exist in a simulation (I don’t use computer simulation, because there is no reason to believe the simulation is being run by humans or post-humans or that they are even using what we would recognize as computers) that, to our observation, has been running for roughly fourteen to fifteen billion years. Of course, it hasn’t actually been running that long. Anyone who does any kind of computer-based simulations can tell you that time can be dilated at an extreme rate. The universe we know may only be days or even hours old, depending on the sophistication of whatever is running the simulation in the first place.

This, of course, explains the Big Bang.

All of a sudden, every bit of matter and energy in the universe just blinked into existence and, completely ignoring the laws of physics, expanded untold trillions of miles in mere seconds? Sounds like the start of a simulation to me; the program (or its equivalent) placing all the necessary pieces in place. And because of our time dilation due to being inside of the simulation, this instantaneous action actually took time, albeit nanoseconds.

So, POOF, we have a universe. Ok, now what? Well, you add a variable like, say, gravity, and let the simulation do the rest. Gravity will cause the matter to move and shift, creating friction and heat. And if you know any cosmology at all, that’s really all you need. The rest is just putting the pieces together. The immense heat and pressure creates stars which in turn create the elements we know and the explosions of those same stars spread those elements around. Before you know it, there are planets, then life and eventually blogs.

But don’t think that we are the focus of this simulation. Most likely we are a mere off-shoot. One planet among billions, each one just a by-product of a larger universal model being run by some unseen entity. There is no one watching our evolution, our wars or our reality TV. Most likely, when this representation runs its course and we all cease to exist (it would be awesome if we were all listening to Don’t Stop Believing by Journey when it happens) humanity will just be a blip among billions of others in a larger program with barely any attention paid to us, if we are even noticed at all.

This is just the beginning of this idea, and there is much more to come. But you people have the attention span of gnats, so I’ll break this up into multiple posts for your convenience.

Next time – how all this fits in with multiple dimensions.

Enhanced Soundtrack

All my life I’ve had this constant noise in my head. The odd thing is that, until my late teens, I thought this was completely normal and I had no idea that this made me different from anyone else. The noise isn’t imagined, but it isn’t really caused by anything truly physical. My brain just interprets visual data in a way that causes my senses to intertwine. There is a name for this: Synesthesia.

But even in this, I have to be different. Most synesthesiates mix auditory and visual signals. They hear a doorbell and see purple, for instance. Or perhaps they see a certain color and they smell lavender or some other scent. However, my senses mix the visual information of movement into sounds. If I were to wave my arm around, I hear a whirr. When my kid runs around the house, I hear a low hum.

This has its advantages and disadvantages. It greatly improves my peripheral acuity. I can sometimes ‘hear’ something approaching before I see it in my field of normal vision. However, large crowds and driving in traffic can be grating. Luckily, I have been able to turn the constant movement of both crowds and traffic into white noise which is more easily ignored. But I ran into a little wrinkle when I started working for KISD. Although I had developed a defense for the noise that a randomly moving crowd makes in my head, my brain was not prepared for that crowd to all be 3ft tall. My first few weeks walking the halls of the elementary schools were troublesome and I had to concentrate on keeping my eyes up when walking through the halls when the kids were there. Luckily, my brain was able to turn this into white noise as well and now it doesn’t bother me at all.

Until 2008, people like me with this unique form of auditory synesthesia were told by the medical community that we were imagining it, that’s if we knew there was anything different with us at all. In August of 2008, I stumbled across an article from Caltech that made my heart leap. A neural systems lecturer, Melissa Saenz, had stumbled across this form of synesthesia and was able to identify several individuals who didn’t even know they were different from anyone else or, if they knew they were different, had been told, like me, that it was all ‘in their head’. (It is, but that’s just semantics)

The best part of this article for me is this passage: “ ‘People with auditory synesthesia may be even less likely than people with other synesthetic associations to fully realize that their experience is unusual. These individuals have an enhanced soundtrack in life, rather than a dramatically different experience, compared to others,’ says Saenz.”

Confirmation of what I had known for nearly 20yrs and what I had lived with my whole life! This was such an affirmation and relief. So now you know why I tap my fingers or feet or grind my teeth all the time when I’m sitting otherwise quietly. It is because when nothing is moving the silence is a little eerie to me and I have to make up for it in some way. And you can also feel confident in that feeling you’ve had about me all along – “There’s something really different about this guy.”

Further reading on the subject:

Science Daily - Aug 7, 2008

Scientific American - Aug 2008

Music Survey

I'm bored, so I borrowed this from an old LiveJournal post. Enjoy the moment with me...

1. Of all the bands/artists in your CD/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by?:
Including all the EP's and live albums and such, probably Sarah McLachlan. If you include his stuff with the Police, it would be Sting.

2. What was the last song you listened to?:
Listening to Solid Sessions - Janeiro as I type this
previous to that would be Spin Doctors - Jimmy Olsen's Blues. What?

3. What’s in your record player right now?:
Haven't had a record player for the last two years... so nothing, most likely...

4. What song would you say sums you up?:
Nothing comes to mind

5. What’s your favorite local band?:
Having been out of the live scene for 15yrs, I don't have one... so I'll say ElectricOkra

6. What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?:
I know it may sound cliche, but it is still U2's Zoo TV tour...

7. What’s the worst band you’ve ever seen in concert?:
Wallflowers, hands down... ugh...

8. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?:
None... I would have a hard time enjoying music from someone I disliked...

9. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?:
Only playing and touring professionally for years with a number of different bands... writing music for myself and others... producing and co-producing demos for various other bands and musicians... releasing two EPs... so, hardly involved at all.

10. What show are you looking forward to?:
The next time I play live... someday, man... someday...

11. What is your favorite band shirt?:
Besides any of the bands I have been in, probably my Ghost in the Machine t-shirt from the Police. But maybe it's my ugly Roxy Music shirt... depends on my mood, I guess.

12. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?:
Sting.

13. What musician would you like to be in love with for a day?:
okay, this question is stupid, so I'm going to reword it...
13. What musician would you like to fuck for a day
Liz Phair... without question.

14. Metal question-Jeans and Leather vs. Cracker Jack clothes?:
Maybe I'm showing my age here, but I don't know what Cracker Jack clothes are.. so I'll say Jeans and Leather. Can't go wrong with that.

15. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?:
I probably like his solo stuff more, but that's not saying a whole lot.

16. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie?:
Solo Ritchie... c'mon, Can't Slow Down was a great album. *looks around nervously*

17. Punk rock, hip hop or heavy metal?:
Polka

18. Doesn’t Primus suck?:
Yeah... but the bass lines are cool.

19. Name 4 flawless albums:
Sarah McLachlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Liz Phair - Exile in Guyville
Sting - Ten Summoners' Tales
k.d. lang - Ingenue
(not what you expected..?)

20. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?:
Did you know that I wear that badge with pride..?

21. What was the greatest decade for music?:
I'm going to say the 80's because of all the experimentation that went down... but most of my favorite albums of all time came from the 90's.

22. How many music-related videos/DVDs do you own?:
5 or 6... mostly Beatles stuff.

23. Do you like Journey?
At times...

24. Don’t try to pretend you don’t!
Fuck off.

25. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
Oh man... so many...
Hackers, Almost Famous, Purple Rain (yeah, I know), and (get ready for it) Bend it Like Beckham. Hey, what can I say? I love Indian pop.

26. What was your last musical “phase” before you wisened up?
In 8th grade, for about 6 months, I listened to nothing but Contemporary Christian music... then Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me came out and knocked me back to my senses.

27. What’s the crappiest CD/record/etc. you’ve ever bought?:
Being a big Matthew Sweet fan, I hate to say this... but his first album sucked hard. After hearing Girlfriend for the first time, I went back to get his earlier stuff. His first one was a bunch of 80's pop crap. Glad he got through that.

28. Do you prefer vinyl or CDs?
There is a richness to vinyl that CD's just can't duplicate. But for ease of use, I prefer CD's.

29. All totaled, how much do you spend on music a month?:
Not much anymore. I still get comped stuff from labels every now and then. I get the rest thru individual downloads for the most part.

Ghosts Can't Count

In Dickens' classic A Christmas Carol, Scrooge is told that he will be visited by three ghosts. He is told this by his dead ex-business partner Jacob Marley, who is himself a ghost. According to my math, that makes four ghosts. The story is now ruined for me.

Earworms

I have had the strangest songs stuck in my head over the past two days. No matter what I listen to in an attempt to drive the madness away, it simply doesn't work.

Some of these songs I haven't heard in years. This is just odd.

This morning I wake up with 'Calling On You' from Stryper rambling thru my auditory cortex. Stryper. What the fuck.

Something is going to have to change soon or I may be forced to take drastic measures in order to make the voices go away.

Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die..?

crushcrushcrush

Some years ago, there was a celebrity blog (now-defunct) that had a strange fascination with Maggie Gyllenhaal. And I didn't get it. I told myself, "Well, she's not unattractive, but I don't see what the big deal is."
Then I saw 'Stranger than Fiction'.

Now I can't even look at a picture of her without feeling like I have some high-school crush.

The world is a strange place.

Clever Title

I had the most amazing idea this morning.

I was going to lay it all out here for you to read but I don't feel like changing the nature of the universe today.

maybe tomorrow

And So It Goes

When I was a child, I was unusually drawn to anything foreign. Coins from Korea, postcards from Paris, folk-crafts from Brazil; these were my planes, trains and automobiles taking me all over the planet.

I look back on those days with a sepia-toned fondness; my desire to see the world as a celebration of cultures. National Geographic and PBS taking me to places that I couldn't find in my neighborhood. Other children with bright smiling faces playing strange games and dressed so colorfully drew me to them.

Today, my love of other cultures and need to travel beyond my borders has taken me all over the world. The best part, I think, is that I still have the wonder of a child as I traverse this planet. It has never become old or routine.

Coffee in Turkey. Tea in Japan. The sharpness of the wind in Moscow, and the softness of the rain in Tuscany. Reeling in the power of Victoria Falls and relaxing in the stillness of a lake in Scotland. The structure of a visit to China and the free-form walks through the streets of La Paz.

I've almost done it all. And the child inside of me is loving every minute of it.

Let Me Figure It Out for Myself

Finally saw Cloverfield over the weekend.

Loved it

I have always thought that the idea behind the Blair Witch Project was genius - that of making a movie out of so-called 'found footage'. BWP, however, wasn't executed very well. Cloverfield got it right.

Beyond the gimmick of the hand-held camera, the thing I liked most about the movie was its lack of exposition. I prefer my movies to unfold without being given too many details. Unless those details are absolutely essential to the story and I have no other way of finding out about them without someone telling a story, I don't want to hear it. Abrams luckily did not include a scene where we heard something such as "authorities report that at 7:02PM a monster came crawling out of the East River..." and the like. The fact that you are given no information whatsoever added to the movie's tension. More movies should be like this. This is one of the reasons I love Lost in Translation so much, even though it is a completely different genre. You are dropped in Japan and given no explanation for any of the things you see. When Charlotte is in Kyoto and sees a wedding, we don't have some other person walk up to her and start explaining the symbolism of the ceremony or their dress. Likewise when she's in the hotel and she wanders into a group setting flowers, there isn't an American tourist there to say, "She wants you to do so-and-so". The fact that neither her character nor the audience knows what she is supposed to do adds to the connection between the two. It means more because we are sharing in Charlotte's awkwardness and possible embarrassment.

It is often times easier for me to enjoy a film by only seeing a slice of the characters' lives, whether it be several hours during a monster attack or several days in the middle of Japan.

We All Float Down Here

I love high-concept, up-beat visions of how we will survive the coming environmental apocalypse. So when I stumbled across the LilyPad Project, I was intrigued. It would be awesome to live on a floating city, except that it would mean California would be underwater (and is that such a bad thing when you think about it?)

Lots of sunshine, green-space and a built-in aquarium. What's not to love? Bring on the CO2..! Screw the polar bears - give me life on a city-sized cruise ship.

I Have No Rational Explanation For It, But....

I have no rational explanation for it, but lately I have found myself fascinated by Pastor Melissa Scott. Since returning to Texas, I have rediscovered the awesomeness of late-night religious programming. Most of these programs - infomercials basically - have angry old men standing at a pulpit shouting about judgment for the wicked or money for the righteous. Scott, however, just wanders all over stage, her long hair and long jacket flowing behind her lithe frame.
Now, let me be clear. I don't listen to anything she's saying, I just watch her. She could be speaking in tongues espousing the wisdom of cthulhu for all I know.
There was another Scott that aired late at night on an independent television station here in the late 70's,-early 80's named Dr. Gene Scott. The randomness to his shows had a decent amount of influence on me when I was younger. Dr. Gene would sit in a chair puffing on a pipe, reading and interpreting scripture whilst an array of odd and unconnected images would float on screen. It was a visual feast. So it was really no surprise to find out that these two were once married. It's fun to watch her run through her translations of Greek on the white-boards that fill the stage (although, according to several sources, her translations aren't particularly accurate) and try to figure out just what the hell her slight accent is.
I don't get to watch her much anymore because I'm usually asleep (or trying to go to sleep) at midnight when her program airs, but if I'm awake and flipping through the channels, I always stop for a little bit. Although, if she starts puffing on a pipe while unicorns float on the wall behind her, I may have to start recording it on my DVR.